words that fell at 2 a.m

Pensive and deep thoughts run through my tormented head.
I relish these moments of insanity that they give me
So kindly I take it like gifts.
The smell of a strange man I have in me.
I breadth him, I pretend to know him,
And he pretends to know me.
We both play pretend.
Slow thoughts fall like sad tears down the cheek of a child
Is there anything sadder then the quite collected tears of a child?
A child crying adult tears.
An adult crying a child’s tears.
At the end.
Just tears fall constantly.
My heart and mind will be broken constantly.
The only truth is the pain I don’t feel.
The only lie is the happiness I feel.
What a fleeting second to encompass a lifetime with you.
Salty sweet and sour. A flavor unheard of.
Comes from deep inside of you.
A message that is reminiscent of some old lover that you think you have forgotten.
But yet he haunts you like your childhood and seeks reckoning.
The love has dried. There is nothing left fertile.
It is all artificial.
Yes, even your smile and your tears.
They are not really you.
You are not really you.
Why are you still here then?
What validation are you seeking?
Some one to tell you that you are worthy?
Don’t you know that your UN worthy?
Why do you need someone to painfully lie to you and then feel guilt about lying to you?
Why do you want them to say that you are special?
And does them saying that make any difference?
You are still made of the same dung and heart and mind that I am.
That he the beggar is.
That she the whore is.
So you are a beggar and a whore at the same time.
You are a virgin.
You are a temptress.
You are not you.
You are one of them they are many of you.
There is no true self. Don’t be proud of something that is not entirely yours.
Thank the devil for his cunning that the angles will never have given you.
Praise the angles for the patience that the devil hides from you.
Savor the pain that humanity gives you.
And detest this bliss that joy gives you.
Why choose heaven when you can be alive in hell?
Why choose death over life?
Why choose numbness over pain?
Is there even a choice?
What does it mean when you have no choice but to feel?
Then you are not the one in control
You just seek to rationalize chances games.
You choose….
To live
Not because it is easy. But because it is harder to die.